Well, I'm closing in on the last day here at Memphis Fire Dept. As they say, "Everybody has a FIRST day and everybody has a LAST day". My first day was September 23, 2002. My last day will be January 31, 2013...as of now. One way or the other I will not be employed by this fire department or any other for that matter. Until fires put themselves out and patients cure themselves, I will not be there to help. I say that as though "helping" were the only thing I am concerned with but really there are at least a half dozen reasons why none of this is a "good" thing.
What about my fear of homelessness and starvation? I really need a paycheck to cover these aspects of life. God has most of that covered without me even lifting a finger. He says in His Word that I should not worry about who will clothe me or feed me, or about who will shelter me. So, I believe His Word and claim it for myself. There are several creature comforts that are not specifically noted in the Bible but that are currently available to me as long as I continue to earn a paycheck. I will find employment at some date hopefully not too far in the future, but for now I must continue to sit on the same pins and needles that I've been sitting in since June of this year! At least until after tomorrows Pension Board meeting. Will they pension me off WITH a paycheck (line-of-duty disability) or WITHOUT a check ( regular retirement--about $15,000/year)? That's the $64,000 question. What about my grandmotherly past-time of buying little gifties for the babies?, paying to take a semi-annual trip to see the kids that live out-of-state?, my annual Zoo membership? Not to mention the doctor bills I will incur as a result of continued spinal deterioration caused by all the accumulated injuries from this job. Oh, and I am 53 almost, I supose there is some degree of inherent expense related to THAT! The process of aging may shotgun from here-- my GI doc says he can't fix everything and the Ortho doc says he WON'T fix ANYTHING! How will I be able to help my children out when times get rough for them?? And since I'm losing my home to forclosure and have had to file bankruptcy, well...So... at least half a dozen.
Some people would say that I have a poor attitude about this however none of these people have ever been in the same position, so they can just shut-up. On the other hand, those who have been in the same position basically look like poor examples of their former selves. This is not helpful to my current state of mind! No, I will not lay down and die one way or the other, check or no check, as in this life we are guaranteed nothing. But I would feel a whole lot better if I could reasonably predict the net outcome of my retirement. Wishful thinking, I'm not stupid, but you can't tell me that these same fears are not felt by anyone else of modest means who has this "forced retirement" thing dangling over their head. I'm just not so proud as to deny it.
So, my last day before the board meeting consists of arriving 5 minutes early for work--which is actually later than one should arrive-- and things here in the Office of Emergency Mngmt, aka OEM (a stronghold in the basement of Fire Prevention Bureau on Avery, off Hollywood, in Memphis, TN - for those who have stumbled across this blog and have no idea who the heck I am!) are going on as usual--sedentary and uneventful. This is my "light-duty" assignment for the past couple of months. I was previously (since June 2012) at the Chester Anderson Trng Cntr- doing secretarial work while "light-duty". They (fire administration) put you where they believe you are least likely to cause them any trouble until you are cleared to return to full duty. I keep getting moved further into the cracks! Reminds me of the movie "Office Space", I'm Milton, and Lumbergh keeps moving me further and further into the basement and then into a little room at the back of the basement, hoping that I will get the message and quit coming to work! The only difference is that I'm still receiving my paycheck, not like poor Milton. By the way, where IS my red Swingline stapler anyway??!! Prior to all this upset I was just a regular ol' fire-fightin' paramedic, running all over the city at all hours of the day and night.
If I could stay at my same pay grade at this location I would probably be fine, physically, but I'm not so sure about mentally! I'm a bit of an adventurer/action figure...can't keep still without offending someone either! I seem to be able to sit for most of the day without reinjuring myself but even constant sitting has it's painful moments. It wouldn't be so bad except the getting up part is often times disagreeable to me. My back and hips are constantly on fire and aching. It's difficult to look in the mirror and see a woman in fairly good condition on the outside and feel so awful on the inside. It never stops, the pain and discomfort, the pins and needles in one part and the twanging nerves in another. The inability to stand up straight and take a step without the whole, damn, left side from the waist down feeling like it's gonna snap in two! Stupid doctors. I'll go find me a real one after my fate is decided tomorrow. Probably a chiropractor, they are usually the most beneficial (as long as I'm not too far gone).
Ok. so this is the first time I'm writting and it all sounds very negative but this is after all, The Last Day I Worked For MFD! I'm gonna miss the streets, even the lady who calls from a pay phone at 3am, bags packed, claims she's "hearing voices" and wants a ride to the hospital a half a mile away. She's NOT hearing voices, just wanted to get in line for the pharmacy early! Yeah, I'll miss her too, though I still don't understand why she brought her suitcase!! Snacks?!?!? Yours truely, Gigi Q.
